I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
