I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
