mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
