ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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