Pregnant stripper...not hot.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
