I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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