I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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