my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
