Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
4 words: hood of his car
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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