I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
