Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
