my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize