I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity