I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party