i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING