I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.