That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.