Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
