Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
zippers are such a cool invention
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
