You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
