if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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