this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
