He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
