Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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