I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have post one night stand depression
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
