I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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