I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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