He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
