dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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