How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
