Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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