Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
