all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
