I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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