i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
