He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
