yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
