Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
