I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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