I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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