I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
