I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
