i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
