I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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