wanna go halves on a baby?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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