I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
