I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
