You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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