Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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