I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
