Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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