If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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