Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
