You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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