I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
