We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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