i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
