So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
