Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
