elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
