I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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