Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
