It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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