Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
