A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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