and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
