Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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