Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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