benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
