It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
