and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
