I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
