This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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