when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
