possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
