Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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