At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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