i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
