I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
